


i'm not going anywhere

by moreids



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Caring Boyfriend Morgan Is Here To Help, M/M, Reid has a bit of an anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 01:16:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10349157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreids/pseuds/moreids
Summary: they've both been lied to, double crossed, and shot at today, and this is how they cope with the stress (read: morgan always knows how to calm reid down)





	

**Author's Note:**

> set right after s9e24 !! the dirty cops episode and tbh my favorite finale even tho blake's departure was anticlimactic :/

The jet’s just taken off from Silverton and everyone is hurt, exhausted, or both. They don’t have to deal with any more dirty cops or drug dealers or fake priests, and besides Reid the only person awake is Hotch. He doesn't even want to think about how much paperwork is going to come with this case. He doesn’t want to think at all.

Reid’s on the loveseat with Garcia passed out against his arm, her head resting carefully on his shoulder. She hasn’t left his side since it happened and he owes her his life but right now, sitting in this plane, he feels trapped like a sardine in a can.

His skin itches where he ripped out his IV earlier and he can't swallow past the gauze on his neck and his vision goes blurry if he even looks at a word in the book in his hands.

He desperately needs to get up and agonizes over whether to wake her, but then she's shifting in her sleep and Reid takes his chance. His absence goes undetected by Garcia and he breathes a sigh of relief as he slowly walks to the front of the cabin.

One thing he doesn’t like about the jet is how small it is. He wants to be home, in his apartment, where he can pace, over and over, back and forth, without worrying about waking anyone up.

Reid knows Hotch sees him pacing, but he’s praying that the other man either thinks nothing of it or is pretending not to notice. The last thing he needs is for his boss to worry about him. Reid winds up in front of the coffeemaker debating whether caffeine will help or only make him worse. He’s also trying to remember how to use the goddamn thing in the first place, because his brain has all but shut down on doing simple tasks.

With his back turned to the rest of team Reid doesn’t see Hotch quietly, nonchalantly, nudging Morgan awake in the seat next to him. At first Morgan’s expression is annoyed, but all he has to do is follow Hotch’s eyes to the front of the jet for it to turn into one of concern. Morgan is out of his seat in a heartbeat, while Hotch returns to his files as quickly as he had left them. Whatever goes on between them doesn't affect the work, so Hotch has no objections.

Reid jumps when he realizes Morgan is next to him, broad shoulders blocking his view of the cabin. He isn’t sure how long he’s been standing here clutching a coffee filter but his hands are sweaty and then Morgan is touching him, strong fingers curling around his shaking ones to pry the paper from him. Reid hasn’t allowed himself to think too much about why his aversion to contact stops at Morgan, why he leans into Morgan’s touch instead of shying away from it.

Sometimes, when a case is too long, Reid finds himself missing Morgan's touch. His shoulders will ache to have Morgan’s arm wrapped around them and it'll take everything in him not to find casual ways for their hands to brush over the table.

“Reid.” Morgan’s voice is soft but low, hardly more than a rumble passing between them.

It takes Reid at least ten seconds to find the strength to look Morgan in the eye, and he waits. Morgan is always patient with him.

Reid looks scared and sad, like the tiredness in him reaches all the way to his bones. Normally the scrutiny of Morgan's brown eyes might make him nervous, but all he can see in them is concern. Reid closes his eyes anyways.

“We almost died,” Reid whispers and his voice is hoarse, cracking on the last word.

“I know,” Morgan murmurs. The hum of the jet almost drowns him out.

Reid wasn’t aware he was still holding onto Morgan’s hand, knuckles starting to go white, until he feels the other man start to rub circles into the palm of his hand. He puts all of his focus into that small gesture and opens his eyes, other hand coming up to push his hair away from his face.

“You got shot-” Reid’s voice breaks and he has to breathe. “Twice.”

His free hand hovers an inch over Morgan’s chest where he knows the bullets lodged in his vest made contact but he’s too afraid to touch him. Morgan's bruising but no ribs were broken, and his breathing is only a little shallow.

“I know,” Morgan says again,  
softer. “But I’m okay, Reid, I’m right here. You can't get rid of me that easy.”

Morgan’s stopped tracing circles and after a glance behind him to check if anyone's awake, he brings Reid’s hand up to his lips to kiss his knuckles, one after the other. He smells like gunpowder and Texas dirt and Reid’s grateful, because it overpowers the lingering scent of antiseptic on his clothes.

Morgan’s eyes lower to the bandage on Reid’s neck. “You're the one who really had us scared, Reid.”

When Reid blinks he sees the roof of the ambulance behind his eyelids.

“Derek Morgan? Scared? Impossible.”

He doesn't want to admit he was scared, too. Reid wonders how many times he’s going to see a bright light before it swallows him completely. Morgan shifts so he’s even closer, the warmth radiating off of him, his breath moving Reid’s hair. There’s a sincere, frightened look in his eyes that makes Reid’s heart ache.

“Reid, I can't lose you,” Morgan states.

Sometimes Reid forgets the intensity in everything that Morgan does, and all it takes is one look and suddenly Reid understands. His biggest fear is losing Reid, and he was ready to die in that shootout. 

“And I can’t lose you,” Reid whispers, placing his hand not over the wounds on his chest, but over where he can feel Morgan's heart beating.

They don't talk about the fact that they could lose each other on any given day on any given case. It mostly goes unspoken, how much Reid needs Morgan and how much Morgan needs Reid, but acknowledging it is enough.

Looking over Morgan’s shoulder, Reid sees Rossi get up and move towards the front of the cabin. Reid would rather fight a bear than a grumpy Rossi, so he squeezes Morgan’s hand once and kisses the corner of his mouth so fast Morgan blinks and almost misses it.

“Can’t get rid of me that easy, Morgan," Reid repeats. “I’m not going anywhere we can't be together.”

With that he returns to his place next to Garcia, and he doesn't feel trapped in the sardine can anymore. Morgan smiles from across the aisle and Reid sleeps more peacefully than he has in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> hello thank u for reading this i feel like its rlly rough but posting anyway & i love feedback!! have a good day or night everyone !


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